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Alpacalypse Review

Official Score

Overall - 50%


There is nothing inherently wrong with Alpacalypse, but there is nothing unique about this platformer either. It is safe and average through and through; a template that serves as a baseline and nothing more.

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A joint collaboration between Gus McGuire, Mark , Logan Bailey, Hailey White, Alan Buechner, and the Neumont College of Computer Science, Alpacalypse tasks players with kicking and spitting their way through hordes of alpacas. Should players live out their alpaca dreams in this 2.5D platformer, or is this one too roughshod for its own good?

Alpacalypse Review

After leaving one’s humble abode as a “boring llama,” players will take control of the fluffiest of alpacas in a paper cutout style worthy of Nintendo’s Paper Mario series. From the top-down menu screen, gameplay shifts to a strictly 2D plane as players navigate platforms, collect collectibles (naturally), and rack up a high score on all four hooves.

True to an alpaca’s form, players have two attacks at their disposal: melee and spit. The first one lets you get up and personal, while the second one, while rude, gets the job done at a distance. There’s also a double jump available that allows players to get just a little bit more aerial support when they need to navigate a chasm or get up from a lower spot.

Thankfully, the controls are suited for the job. There’s no momentum system like the one found in Super Mario Bros. or Sonic the Hedgehog, but the fundamentals are captured just fine in this title. It never feels like players are fighting the controls, and Alpacalypse is better because of this factor alone.

As things progress and players get to the end of each level, players will come across rival alpaca (of both the four leg and fabulous bipedal two leg variety), flip switches, and get to the end of each level. Platformers since the 80s have featured a similar structure, and not too much is different in Alpacalypse.

That’s ultimately the problem with this title; it plays things far too safe. While navigating to the end of a level and reaching the flag is something similar to platformers far and wide, the execution here leaves much to be desired. It simply plays things far too safe, without any sort of danger or personality. Mario’s got lava and Koopas; Sonic’s got badniks and Dr. Robotnik; where’s the serious danger in Alpacalypse?

As a result, the low-stakes action of this title is far too vanilla for its own good. There will still be a race against the clock with collectibles and enemies, but there’s no unique hook to make this one stick out. Even a bit of speed would have made this mammal a bit more extraordinary. While one can unlock new “abilities” (read: minor tweaks), it simply isn’t enough.

Not like it has much time to make an impression though; Alpacalypse is a one-and-done type of game that can be neatly wrapped up in less than an hour. While there are achievements that can be unlocked, it will take less time to complete than the average Marvel Cinematic Universe blockbuster.

There is nothing inherently wrong with Alpacalypse, but there is nothing unique about this platformer either. It is safe and average through and through; a template that serves as a baseline and nothing more.

This review of Alpacalypse was done on the PC. The game was freely downloaded.
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Casey Scheld

Drawn to the underground side of gaming, Casey helps the lesser known heroes of video games. If you’ve never heard of it, he’s mastered it.
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