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Pets No More Review

Official Score

Overall - 65%


Pets No More changes up the Pong and Windjammers formula with some stylish aesthetics and arena choice. It’s just a shame that there’s little to this package; its lack of options and content greatly hinder its replayability.

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When our pets leave us for the rainbow bridge, we’d like to think they’re off to a better place. However, Purple Tree thinks of something far more grim for these furry fellows with their new sports game Pets No More. Should pets be reanimated for some arcade action, or should this title be put out to pasture?

Pets No More Review

This arcade title throws players headlong into the Zombie Pets Tournament. This outing pits dogs, cats, raccoons, and other animals against one another on Pet Island, where they must don boxing gloves and defeat their opponents in one-on-one battles.

Players won’t be trading blows, however; the ultimate goal is to get a super powerful disc from your side into the opponents’ goal. The best of three rounds wins, with the victor moving on to the next bout.

Its air hockey action is simple at its core, striking a balance between the melodic action of Pong and the frenzied bouts of Data East’s Windjammers. Players’ primary action is an attack button, delivering a blow to the disk. This can be angled for the perfect shot; just the thing needed to break opponents’ defenses. One also has a dash move at their disposal, which provides a temporary boost of speed. There’s also a Super Attack that can be used when a meter is fully charged up that allows for trick shots.

These mechanics are nothing out of the ordinary, but they do get the job done. It’s nowhere near as fluid as its inspiration – expect to see some flubbed shots and the occasional disc to the face – but proper rallies make for some intense action.

The same goes for each of its stage layouts. There are a number of hazards to contend with, from darkened arenas illuminated by lightning to bumper-heavy bouts that cause complete disarray. Learning to contend with each arena is as key as understanding your opponent, hazards and all. Some are better designed than others, but learning which blocks to break and which sections of the stage to aim for provides a much-needed learning curve.

It’s just a shame that Pets No More is a bit barebones. Those traveling solo can dive into its Arcade Mode, which features a set number of bouts against different AI opponents. For those that’d like to bring a friend along, a Versus Mode allows for players to choose any character and stage combination that they want. Don’t expect any modifiers or anything that can change up the rules – what you see is what you get.

This is unfortunate, as it greatly hampers its replayability. The core gameplay is sound, but this lack of options prevent it from being a casual eSports hit. To add insult to injury, there’s no online play – this is purely a local affair.

Pets No More changes up the Pong and Windjammers formula with some stylish aesthetics and arena choices. It’s just a shame that there’s little to this package; its lack of options and content greatly hinder its replayability.

This review of Pets No More was done on the PC. The game was purchased digitally.
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Casey Scheld

Drawn to the underground side of gaming, Casey helps the lesser known heroes of video games. If you’ve never heard of it, he’s mastered it.
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