Reptiloids Review

Aliens have taken your girlfriend, and it’s up to you to save the day in Alexey Glinskiy’s Reptiloids. Though it may take elements from Dark Souls and Dead Rising, this is one hot mess that is an embarrassment to the industry.

Reptiloids Review

The protagonist in Reptiloids is not your usual protagonist. He’s pudgy, he’s disheveled, and he’s got a one-liner for everything. There’s no plot or backstory to speak of – players are simply thrown into the action from the get-go. After spawning on one side of a building, the ultimate goal is to follow a linear path through a series of rooms to save his girlfriend, taking down every Reptiloid alien he sees along the way.

As you can imagine, things quickly get repetitive. The majority of the different rooms you come across have a drab, washed out look to them, and though there is some variety with such areas as dining halls and movie theaters, everything runs together. If anything, the environment can often work against you – there were times where we could not make it through a door because a chair was stuck in the way. Players cannot pick up objects like these, and since there is no physics engine, even basic travel becomes a royal pain.

The Reptiloids don’t fare much better – their attacks consist of punching and using objects. These creatures could very well have been humans, skeletons, or anything more creative than what is present here – the only way they differ from one another is by the shirt they are wearing.

To take down the Reptiloids, players can enter a telegraphed punch routine or pick up certain objects, a la Dead Rising. The punch combo does more harm than good, leaving players at a distinct disadvantage when surrounded by enemies. However, objects like fire extinguishers can be swung around, doing some damage in the process. However, these things quickly break, and some objects are clearly better than others. A boombox can be used as a makeshift shield, but it does no good if it lasts all of 10 seconds.

The offensive options may leave something to be desired, but the defensive options are where the game really drops the ball. Much like Dark Souls, players can lock on to enemies, guard, and roll. Also like Dark Souls, a stamina meter is also present. However, the main character moves at a snail’s pace (even when running), and stamina is drained almost instantly. Though players can lock on to one enemy and strafe, there are at the very least five enemies surrounding the player at any given time. Those hoping to block (which has him giving the middle finger) are in for a rude awakening too, as it does not work against all attacks. All enemies must be taken down in an area before progressing, so unfortunately action must be taken against every single foe.

Those who die under the Reptiloid scum are in for a rude awakening too, as the game kicks you back to the very beginning. This game is not the longest one around, but it is most certainly an exercise in patience.

The absolute bare minimum of effort was put into Reptiloids. Those brave enough to put down the $5 on Steam to try it out will leave it frustrated rather than entertained.